Thoughts

The human brain tends to construct absurd things like meanings and reasons, where a purely logical thinker, assumably, has to admit with great probability that no such things do exist. But it is of no insignificant rationality that we - the readers as well as the writers - do have these tendencies. The motivation, if not even the urge, to create such wonderful things as art, music, poetry, and many more evolves through the thought of these things having meaning, which in itself is simply spoken, rather nonsensical. But enjoyment, especially of all kinds of art, is probably the most tangible emotion that roughly overlaps with the fluid definition of meaning. While being chemical reactions that we’ve evolved to go on with life, these kinds of emotions seem to be simply biological traits. But we like to overlook this idea and create the ultimate thing to go on: the meaning of life. Enjoyment, love, evolution, maintaining the species, immortalizing oneself - some rather peculiar individuals might even add faith to the list; those are possible things that give us the feeling of not being insignificant and random. And it’s working just fine, for the most part. The human urge to survive, either as an individual or a species, has proven itself highly effective.

But what if those meanings that we create collide with the idea that none of them might be real? We find ourselves trapped in a conflict that cannot be solved other than by accepting it. That conflict has triggered oh so many great schools of thinking for the last two and a half millennia at least, and it seems that, to no surprise due to its insolubility, we will continue to handle these topics for a long time.

When my gang dissolved, mainly through my decisions, I felt kind of lost, not belonging anywhere, not fitting into a social construct. But it didn't take me long to learn, that in solitude, I had the chance to freely evolve and move, as it was natural to me. The boundaries of a social union  kept me from becoming a truer self.

So you can try your best, and life will still be kind of a dull experience. At least once you've started to question basic things like society, morals, existence itself, and many other things you shouldn't really question if you're trying to have a good time. I've started to look at it as if it was a really bad house-party, but you're invited anyway. And the solution to that is usually to socialize with their pets and ignore the humans.

Tell her you love her.

A fear that haunted me quite for a while, after I've realised how I was treating myself while in depression. 

...I think, while I create a website to finally publish some works, thoughts and random things I' ve had on my drive for years. Maybe also other things.